October 23, 2010
Izzie and Zvi run a travel agency/ tour guide business in Tel Aviv. Business is bad, what with the fact that the world economy is crashing, much due to all the various Bernie Madoff’s in the financial sectors and the fact that the heartbeat of the world’s economy, America, has gone bankrupt fighting 2 disastrous wars for Israel.
In addition to this, people ‘round the world are more and more calling it quits viz a viz their love affair with visiting the Jewish state, what with its arrogant, racist, violent and apartheid policies and the fact that it has now become common practice now for Jews to spit on Gentiles as a means of showing their “affections” for them.
Business is so bad that Izzie and Zvi are actually thinking of burning the place down to collect the insurance money, knowing full well that they can get away with it because, after all, this is Israel, the protective haven of Jews everywhere. Just about the time they are about to dump gasoline everywhere and light the match, in walks Pastor John Hagee himself.
“Shalom fellas, my name is John Hagee, the most influential Christian pastor in America. You probably have seen me on TV, right?”
Both Izzie and Zvi are panting like dogs with their tongues hanging out. They look at Hagee’s suit–Armani, $3,000. They look at the rings on each of his fingers–24 karat gold, studded with diamonds, rubies and every other precious gem imaginable. He’s wearing a Rolex. The guy is a walking bag of money.
“Anyway,” Hagee continues, “As you know, I lead huge groups of Christians on tours throughout the Holy Land. Bring as many as 6 million–how’s that for a number–of them a year to Israel. We would like you two guys to handle all the arrangements. Can you guys handle a contract this big?”
Now Izzie and Zvi are not just panting, they’re sweating and ready to pee their pants. An account this big could save them. No need to burn the place down and they would be rich beyond even their wildest dreams, which are pretty wild, to say the least.
Hagee continued–”Before we can finalize the arrangements, we need to check you guys out first and make sure everything’s Kosher. If you don’t hear from my people by 5 pm on Friday, you’ll know you have the account”.
This was on Monday…
The days peeled by like years. Every time the phone rang, a cloud of dread overcame both Izzie and Zvi, sure that it was the bad news that they would not be getting the contract.
Finally, Friday rolled around, and at 5 minutes to 5, the phone rang. They both looked at each other in utter devastation, knowing what lie ahead for them. Izzie went over to the phone–
“Hello……Uh, huh. Yes. Yes. Uh huh. Well, that is terrible news, obviously. Yes. I will make sure to let him know. Goodbye.”
Izzie hung up the phone. Zvi stood there, waiting for the bad news, his spirits completely destroyed. He only had a few seconds however to experience the bitter mood of the moment before Izzie spun around on his heels, and with a look of complete elation on his face, clapped his hands together loudly in joy and began leaping up and down saying
“Great news Zvi! Your sister died!”